Police Interactions - Are They Ignorant of the Laws They Uphold?

I am NOT a moron. Really, I’m not. I don’t know what it is but something about me must scream moron.

Today I was driving home from work. Leroy and I were driving our normal Miss Daisy pace. Being the conservative, liberal-hating, country-livin’ Republican that I am, I was, of course, eating something fried as I flew down the highway going 80+ while cleaning my handgun and singing along with “Sweet Home Alabama.” As I was belting out the last verse I looked in the ol’ rear view mirror and noticed some red and blue lights following me. Damn it! I was busted! The Man was on my tail and I was getting pulled over.

Now the rub. The fine State of Oklahoma allows us law abiding citizens to apply for and receive permits to carry concealed handguns. I, of course, have one of these. It is legal for me to carry my pistol concealed as long as I don’t carry into any of the restricted places (such as Federal/State buildings, schools, etc). Leroy is NOT one of those restricted areas so I am A OK at this point.

As the smokey approaches the car I have my hands at 10 and 2 and the window is rolled down. He gets to the window and asks for my license and insurance. I politely tell him that I will be reaching into my center console for my insurance and into my pocket for my wallet (It is always a good idea to let a police officer know ahead of time before you go diving into your pockets). I retrieve both items as well as my CCW (Carry Concealed Weapon) license. I am required by Oklahoma law to give him my CCW as well as inform him that I am, in fact, armed.

As I hand over my license, insurance, and CCW I say in a calm and steady voice, “Sir, I would like to inform you that I possess a concealed carry permit and that I have my firearm with me.” At least, that is what I think I said. From his next reaction I must have said, “Sir, You are retarded. You remind me of shit. By the way, your mother is a Vietnamese prostitute.”

He took about 3 steps back and placed his hand on his gun. He did not draw but that in itself was uncalled for. He asked me where my weapon was and I replied, “About 4 o’clock under my shirt.” He then asked me to place my hands out the window and step out of the car. I asked what the problem was and he told me to “just do it!” I complied and he opened the door and I stepped out. He asked me to move around to the other side of the car out of the danger of traffic (the only intelligent thing he has said so far aside from I need your license and insurance).

The next chain of events really confused me. I honestly didn’t know how to respond at first. This officer had the nerve to ask for my weapon. Excuse me? You want to take my weapon that I am licensed to carry? Am I under arrest? Have you even told me why you have stopped me (I knew why but that is beside the point)? We can get into the whole “officer safety” debate but I will stop you there and get to my point. The amount of hoops one has to jump through to receive this permit is borderline ridiculous. I have to take an 8 hour class, that cost me $60, on the law and firearm safety. I then get a certificate that I take to my local sheriff’s office. I give the sheriff $25 to fingerprint me. They then take a 10 page application from me as well as $100 money order. After they do an initial background check they sent the results and the fingerprints to the OSBI (Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation). They in turn send my prints to the FBI for a background check as well as conduct their own. After all this and 90+ days of waiting I am issued my license. 3 background checks and this guy wants my gun?

We haven’t even reached the worst part yet. His next statement almost made me pee a little. Not from fear, but from laughter. Officer Fife asked me to HAND him my loaded firearm. And here is where the title of this post fits in. DO I HAVE MORON TATTOOED ON MY FOREHEAD?

“Sir,” I replied, “With all due respect, you have no reason to disarm me. Second, I am not about to reach under my shirt to retrieve my loaded sidearm standing here on the highway. With my luck, one of your fellow troopers will drive by to offer assistance, see me produce a gun, and proceed to shoot my ass. If you would like my firearm I request that you place me in cuffs and get it yourself because what you suggested ain’t happening.”

The look of confusion and bewilderment on his face was priceless. I would give money for a picture so that I could post it for all of you to see.

Officer Fife finally broke the silence after about 15 seconds. “Ummmm, Ok. You stay right there for me.”

He took my information back to his car where I guess he ran my license and my tag. About 2 minutes later he returns and hands me my stuff. “Thank you sir, You have a nice day and slow down.”

WHAT?!? All that and you don’t even give me a ticket? Hell, where is my warning. I almost felt cheated. It took this moron 15 minutes to get me out of my car and almost shot and he doesn’t even cite me. I didn’t feel very protected or served!